My good friend, Tanie, over at Unicorn Parade, does Manicure Monday every week. While I was in the RiteAid getting the prescriptions this afternoon on my walk with M, I decided, what the hell, I’m going to buy a new polish and paint my nails tonight! I don’t think I’ll be able to participate every week, but once a month maybe! Here are my nails today, Essie in “sew psyched”.
Every week I say I’m going to update my blog, and every week I never do. Since it’s been 3 months since my last post, I figured instead of just an essay on how M is growing at a nice rate, his smiles and giggles are infectious and that I am his Mommy is the absolute best thing in the world to me, I’m going to write about how my perception of what parenthood means to me has changed.
topic one: breastfeeding
When I was pregnant, I was very adamant about breastfeeding. I had a positive outlook on it and knew it was something I wanted to do, hopefully for a full year. Thankfully, M and I had a good relationship with breastfeeding and all went well, he was gaining weight great and I was so happy I was able to do this. When I got back to work, the stress hit me hard. Trying to find time to pump at work, especially twice a day, was daunting. I was behind in work, I was working a new schedule and to be honest, pumping stressed me out. My supply was slowing starting to dwindle and at M’s 4 month appointment he hadn’t gained any weight. His pediatrician suggested I stop nursing and start him on formula.
J had already been doing half and half with M at home since there just wasn’t enough breast milk to feed this ever growing boy. I was heart broken, but agreed. I needed to do what was best for my son. I continued to pump once a day when I got home from work, but my supply plummeted in a week. There was no slow weaning for us, it took one week.
Thankfully, he’s been doing great on formula and he’s enjoying trying new baby foods. I have to look at the bright side of all this though. M & I had a great 4.5 months of nursing. He is such a healthy little boy and his big gummy smile shows me how happy he truly is. I am so blessed.
Next time…topic two: sleeping arrangements.
These past few months have been wonderful, challenging and life-changing. This little human has filled my heart with so much love and joy that some days I feel like I’m going to burst.
I knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but it hit me the first night he was up screaming until dawn. I didn’t know what to do. J and I took turns walking with him, singing, rocking, everything we could think of. Finally, he’d drift off to sleep. I took him to the pediatrician, thinking it was reflux, but he told me to change up the feeding routine. We did that and it seems to work for a little bit, but he’d still be screaming at night. J thought it was because he wasn’t getting enough milk. So we started nursing and giving him a bottle of breast milk at night. That seemed to work for a bit, but then the screaming would start again. Finally around 7 weeks the pediatrician gave us a prescription for Zantac. It has helped tremendously. Thankfully his reflux is not that bad and the Zantac is working. I have some mom friends who’s babies went on Prilosec because the Zantac didn’t work.
After that issue was resolved, we were in happy baby bliss again. Then 2 weeks before I was set to return to work, he decided he did not want a bottle at all, only me. I was happy about it at first, but then would get frustrated when he’d scream when offered a bottle. I kept thinking, “what are you going to eat when you are home all day with Daddy?” I’m sure M could sense my anger because he fought the bottle even more. Wouldn’t you know it, he took the bottle from J no problem my first day back at work.
Work. Ugh, I love being back, but I wish I could be home with M all the time. He is growing like a weed (13 pounds, 24 inches at his 2 month checkup) and seems to have developed a great bond with J. I just don’t want to miss anything. I get home and J will tell me what they did durning the day and then go hop in the shower so he can go to work. The opposite shifts thing is working out for us, but I’m starting to miss my husband. 
We have to start scheduling date nights or something.
So, we survived the first 12 weeks and haven’t gone completely mental. For those of you who know me in real life, I’m sure you are questioning that statement, considering I’m a tad bit off to begin with!
I delivered Baby M via csection on Wednesday. The day of the csection I was really anxious. Everything leading up to it seemed to go so slow, from waiting to get the IV and urine catheter to having the final ultrasound and getting wheeled into the OR. Once in the OR it went so fast!
The spinal was scary, but I just kept telling myself that it was all for the baby and it would be over soon. After they put in the medication, I went numb in what seemed like seconds. My feet were dead weight and after that everything went so fast. Within 20 minutes, M was born and wailing like crazy. The next half hour was spent getting stitched up while J went with M to get his weight and all that fun stuff.
I was wheeled into recovery where they handed me M, but since I was still so numb we couldn’t get a good latch. About and hour later I was wheeled into the Maternity Ward where I regained the rest of the feeling in my body, started sweating like crazy and the morphine made me itchy. Thankfully, M and I got a good latch and the breastfeeding has been great ever since.
We get to go home tomorrow!
Overall, it was a scary and exciting experience. Once I held M in my arms for the first time all of my fear washed away and I became a Mother. Everyday I am in awe of our little boy and feel so blessed.
On Thursday I went in for my weekly OB appointment. The Dr. told me that I still hadn’t made any progress and wrote me a script to go get a growth ultrasound. I walk down the hall to the Perinatal Screening Center and luckily, they have an opening so I got in right away. This is when I find out Baby M is breech. Other than that, he’s 100% perfect. Since they thought I had some excess amniotic fluid, they also gave me a NST (non-stress test). This also proved that Baby M is doing well, just being stubborn and not wanting to be upside down. The nurses suggested I walk back down to the Dr. office and schedule a C-Section.
This is really NOT what I had in mind when I got pregnant. I cried like a fool and finally calmed down once I talked to the OB that will be doing the procedure. Once I left the Dr. office, I got to my car and called my Mom. She helped calm me down some more and helped me realize that no matter how Baby M comes into this world, he’s still a miracle. I got off the phone with her, and drove to see J at work. We’re both still in shock that this is how we’ll be meeting our little boy, but agreed that this is the safest way for both me and Baby M. No stress on either one of us, and since it’s being scheduled no “SURPRISE” C-Section.
Now that I’ve had a few days to get over the initial shock of having to have a C-Section, I’m actually looking forward to it! I’ve realized that I won’t have to endure any type of labor pains, because if I haven’t had ANY contractions now, I doubt I will, ever. Since Baby M is still sitting so high up, I don’t think the rest of my body realizes that there is a baby in my womb. I’m still not dilated or effaced, so even though people are saying, “Oh you still may go into labor!” I HIGHLY doubt it.
This is my last full week of work and I have a slew of doctor appointments this week also. I had a NST (non-stress test) yesterday at 3:30. The nurse was great and Baby M did awesome. He’s a feisty little boy, let me tell you! I was apparently having contractions the whole time and never felt a thing! I have another NST scheduled for Thursday and my weekly OB appointment Friday morning. Then at 1pm I have my Pre-Admission testing. They’ll draw blood, talk to me about the procedure and I’ll meet with the anesthesiologist about my spinal block. One more NST on Monday the 21st and then the C-Section is scheduled for 2:30pm on Wednesday the 23rd! I can’t wait to meet my little boy!
